Finally, they both collapse panting on the ground. One evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. 18. I could have been here ten years ago!”. It’s night before it’s afternoon. Two retired professors were vacationing with their wives at a hotel in the Catskills. All of his tests came back with normal results. ..while talking, found out they both liked to fish. many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Is there some sort of secret?”, “No, there’s no secret,” the old man says, “except that fifty years ago that damn fence wasn’t electric.”. I was a beautiful 19-year-old princess but a witch put a spell on me. They were sitting on the veranda one summer evening, watching the sunset. Then Charlie Horse comes along, and when he is here he takes a lot of my time and attention. His concerned friends enquired if there was a problem. They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks. Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy. Newsreels before the movie. When I was in my younger days, I weighed a few pounds less, I needn’t hold my tummy in to wear a belted dress. 10. “I know”, Howard says, “but it would be nice if a woman just held it for a while”. This is the most athletic sex imaginable. Hi-fi’s 17. Please tell me what your name is.”, Her friend glared at her. Two elderly women are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing. I have become a little older since I saw you last, and a few changes have come into my life since then. Don’t discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Candice: "That nice Johnson asked me out for a date,.. After the examination, the doctor then said to the elderly man “You appear to be in good health. The world was made round so that we would never be able to see too far down the road. "At your age, sex can be dangerous, and you need to watch it, take... A 75-year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. December is here before it’s June. An elderly woman accompanied her even more elderly husband to the doctor’s office. It wasn’t odd to have two or three “best” friends. “Why yes,” she replied, “every week my son sends me money, and what I don’t need I give to the church.”. Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes 05. The farmer, sitting on the porch, looks up, sees what’s going on, grabs his shotgun and BOOM!, he shoots the young rooster dead. e. You hear your favorite song on an elevator. So, the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game. Spin the Bottle of Mylanta 10. Again you could tell what they were thinking. Every Sunday a little old lady placed $1,000 in the collection plate. I won’t bother you.”, The young rooster says, “Scram! Hot tea and crumpets, and corn pads for bunions, No spicy hot food and no food with onions, Bathrobes and heat pads and hot meals they bring, These are a few of my favorite things. This year has been full of stressful moments, so it’s time to hear some jokes and release some stress. Your sweetie says, “Let’s go upstairs and make love,” and you answer, “Honey, I can’t do both!”. Later on, sex tapers and you have it maybe once a week or so. A Death. The guy, still watching thinks, that was truly amazing, he was going like a train. Yet a kid yells, “Old duffer … get off of the road!”. You change your underwear after every sneeze. She’s yelling “Ohhh God!” He’s hanging on to her hips for dear life. They seat themselves and engage in animated conversation. Beat it! She said, “You should have dropped your pants, you might have qualified for disability, too.”. Old man yells "You damn fool,... One old farmer had a large pond in the back,.. Understand — I’m not old — I’m merely mature; But some things are changing, temporarily, I’m sure. Is there some sort of secret?”, “No, there’s no secret,” the old man says, “except fifty years ago that frigging fence wasn’t electric.”. 16. Other Websites pale in comparison to the real-life, intimate look into senior lives. He chains them together and leaves without saying a word. They had been in good health the last ten years, mainly due to the wife’s neurotic interest in health food. She put the dolls in each man’s room and left them to their business. Hilarious Comedy Joke Of The Day: Lady V/S Gentleman In Bus, Hilarious All Time Best Women Joke: New Husband Store. One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, “Now don’t get mad at me…..I know we’ve been friends for a long? He’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”, Little old lady is sitting on a bench in Miami Beach. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Your potted plants stay alive. The doctor gave the man a jar and said,.. He said at my age I should be thinking of the hereafter. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service. Three guys die together and go to heaven. Butch wax 11. I’ve had to turn the knob on lots of occasions and I’ve loved the results. I’ve thought and thought, but I can’t remember it. Then the third old lady chipped in with: “I can’t hear a word you’re saying, but I remember the guy you’re talking about.”. Are you doing anything tonight?" Every night after dinner, Howard goes to a secluded garden behind the center to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life. Two elderly gentlemen, who had been without sex for several years, decided they needed to visit a cat-house for some tail….. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. 12. I’m so very sorry,” replied her friend, “What did you do?”. He was a widower and she a widow. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him. Please be careful!". This time the lady explained that no, they were used to sharing everything together. She turns around and as she hangs on to the fence, the old man moves in. Oct 15, 2017 - Explore Alice Salveson's board "Senior Citizen Dirty Jokes" on Pinterest. Whether you are looking for clean jokes, corny jokes, dad jokes, or even dirty jokes, we’ve got it all! Simon Says Something Incoherent. Abilities were discovered because of a “double-dog-dare.” Saturday morning cartoons weren’t 30-minute ads for action figures. The attending nurse came out of the delivery room to congratulate the old gentleman and said, But, they only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. The farmer puts the rooster straight in the pen so he can get down to business. A young woman walks in and sits down a couple seats over. While the woman was behind the wheel, the couple was pulled over by the highway patrol. Bestseller No. 7. In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first. Next, they went out back to see the championship golf course the home backed up to. One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. All the Arab Facilities were completely full, He starts to think about his own aged parents and wonders whether they still have sex like this. “That’s the best part…you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. That should explain why my walking is slow. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?”. k. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you. 8. The little old couple walked slowly into McDonald’s that cold winter evening. I mean, life is tough. Then, one night, Howard didn’t show up at their usual meeting place. She said, “For dinner, he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m. “He said you were speeding!” the old man yelled. It was magic when dad would “remove” his thumb. As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly with a napkin the young man could stand it no longer. As the meal went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered his courage to ask her, “Will you marry me?”, After about six seconds of ‘careful consideration,’ she answered. Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7... An 80-year-old millionaire becomes engaged to a beautiful 22-year-old model. A retired gentleman went into the social security office to apply for Social Security. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either. “Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods?” the old man asked timidly. “Will I have to go home and come back now?” he asks. Scrapes and bruises were kissed and made better. “How are you grandpa?” he asks. I’m the frog. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack, and dropped down dead right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!” “Oh, dear! Washtub wringers, If you remembered 0 to 5, you’re still young. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, “I’d like to have some birth-control pills. “I can’t turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck”, said a third, to which several nodded in agreement. 7. 1. He thinks, ‘I’ve got to see this, two old-timers having sex against a fence.’ So he follows them. Read Reviews on Amazon. 09. 9. I told him, “Oh I do it all the time. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. OLD IS WHEN….. I’ve got to ask him what his secret is.’, As the couple pass, he says to them, “That was something else, you must have been shagging for about forty minutes. You can wear a white shirt to a water theme park. And how about those pantyhose—They’re sized by weight, you see, So how come when I put them on, The crotch is at my knees? Kidnappers are not very interested in you. When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite and Jacuzzi. This is the most athletic sex imaginable. A foot of snow was a dream comes true.

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